Life is a privilege

This is a quote from the newspaper from Dr. Oliver Sacks who recently revealed that he has only months to live due to liver cancer.  This knowledge, he reports, has enabled him to see his own life "as if from a a great altitude, as a sort of landscape, and with a deepening sense of a connection of all its parts."  He states he is grateful to have loved and been loved.  "Above all, I have been a sentient being, a thinking animal on this beautiful planet, and that in itself has been an enormous privilege and adventure."  He said nothing about how much money he made or how many things he had acquired.

Last night my son-in-law was ill and passed out.  He hit his head but was not injured seriously.  It takes only an instant to change a life simply or drastically.  In the news there has been many deaths from earthquakes, storms, and other natural calamities.  We never know when it is our time to die.  It is so important to live each day with meaningful, loving and caring interactions with our families, friends, neighbors, countries, environment, animals and life itself. By living with faith, integrity, love and kindness, we have a wonderful landscape of our life to behold as we face death.  We are proud of who we are and what we have accomplished in our life as we positively interacted with our world and other life travelers.  Life is a privilege and it is important that we use every moment to remember why we are here and find what we have to offer to God and others.

Pain

My sister has a tumor and has surgery soon. For over a year she experienced excruciating pain but testing did not find the cause. Many times she was refused pain medications because doctors thought she was an addict and seeking drugs. She felt abandoned by God and became angry.  Why was this happening to her? She continued to experience pain until a doctor decided to pursue all avenues until he found the reason for her discomfort.  After many tests, finally the tumor was located.  At least my sister was now able to get pain medications. It took about 5 weeks to schedule her surgery because it requires two surgeons and many hours of delicate surgery.  So many times doctors encounter patients who fake illness to get pain medications.  However, there are many patients who have an unusual diagnosis and there are no particular known tests to identify their issues. It has to be difficult for a doctor to decide how to treat patients who have no insurance, no verification of diagnosis to explain pain origin, and science has no known way to determine validity of pain.  Please keep her in your prayers!

Priorities

I used to hate having curly hair.  In high school I used big cans on my shoulder length hair at night to keep it straight.  I didn't sleep well but my hair was straighter in the morning.  As soon as I walked out the door, my hair would hit moisture and would become frizzy and curly.  It was a losing battle! After years of trying everything including ironing my hair (and burning it and experiencing a horrible smell), I decided to embrace my curls.  I had my hair cut short and in layers. The curls burst out in all of their glory. It was finally easier to get ready for the world when I washed my hair, let it dry. brushed it and began my day.  I learned that I am who I am.  I learned also what I am not.  I do not have long, straight hair, a beautiful figure and I am not graceful.  I do have curly hair, a kind smile, a clean body and a good attitude.  God must have made me this way for a reason!  Life is never what we want or expect it to be.  It is a continuous surprise.  It is better or worse than we expected many times. Sometimes it is repetitious and seems that we are making no progress.  If we can learn to accept what we have been given, enjoy the moments and people we encounter, and embrace God's will for us, we can then feel more peace. Anxiety about the things we cannot change will no longer have power over our happiness. Our first priority is to put God first and let him handle the major challenges of our lives.

Caregiving

My mother is 89 and recently fractured her hip after a fall.  It is amazing that she survived surgery and rehab. It is amazing that I survived her.  She was understandably scared, depressed, overwhelmed and did not adjust well to her loss of independence.  Fortunately she was eventually willing to keep working on her rehabilitation exercises with encouragement.  She was in two different rehabs and had a couple of visits to her apartment. I visited her at least every other day for months and was exhausted with continuing to be her support system.  I assisted when she returned to her apartment.  She had caregivers but I was involved with all decision-making, her insurance paperwork, updating reports for family and communication with agencies involved with her care.  I is difficult to imagine being responsible for someone else 24 hours a day.  It is a thankless, unpaid position that has very good and very difficult moments from day to day.  I have learned to be more compassionate, more patient, more caring, and more aware of my own eventual need to have caregivers.  I hope that I will appreciate any caregivers that I need to take care of me in the future.  I hope I will not be too demanding and will be a better patient because I have experience as a caregiver.  For all caregivers--I appreciate everything that you do!

Life can change in an instant

A friend of mine couldn't believe it when her mother-in-law in her 70's who went into the hospital for a bladder infection and dehydration, was suddenly in a life-threatening situation.  She was given an IV and antibiotics.  Suddenly she went into a seizure and her heart stopped beating.  She was resuscitated and went into a coma.  In 24 hours she was dead.  It is always a shock when someone dies but it is especially difficult when it is totally unexpected. Life is not promised to be easy or predictable. None of us know when we will die.  Recently a 3 week old baby died in a fire. It doesn't make sense except that God has a plan and we need to have faith that he will take care of us and our loved ones and friends.  We must live our lives as if today is the last day because it may be!  Remember that God loves us!

fear failure or success?

I think that many of the life choices we make are often made out of fear.  Sometimes we are afraid of failure and the resultant guilt and embarrassment. Other times we are afraid that we will succeed and worry that our life will change.  Change in itself is difficult.  Fear can be involved in simple decisions such as cutting our hair to a shorter style.  It can involve decisions such as getting married, choosing to have a child, adoption, college, dropping out of school, forgiveness vs retaliation, drinking or use of drugs, whether to smile and have a good day or sadness and complaining.  A lack of a decision is a decision also because we give up control of decision-making to others.  I have the desire to make active, informed decisions about my life but often that fear creeps in and I back away from a positive change in my life.  When decisions are overwhelming, I want to be proactive instead of reactive.  I often take out my trump card to help decision-making.  I remember to ask God to help and I find that He always does, even if the answer is not what I wanted or expected.  I am always relieved when I pray and the big burden is lifted off my shoulders.  I am then free to make any decisions because I am no longer afraid.

the past

I've been sorting pictures of my family from the early years to the present.  It was fun to laugh about things that happened many years ago and to remember the fun times.  For a long time, I was only able to look at the things that I considered to be mistakes and poor judgement on my part.  I always worried that I wasn't the best mother I could be especially when I was single and raising five teens.  In life there are always positive and negative elements.  Both have an impact on who we become.  I don't know that I would change my life as I have had many good times mixed in with the stressful and difficult times.  I am so happy to have my children and grandchildren. I especially appreciate my faith in God and the wonderful answers to prayer over the years.  It is important to count our blessings!