My small miracle

I was very stressed with grief as my sister was dying out of state and I was unable to be with her.  I had sent in my tax payment with a check but forgot to transfer funds from my savings to my checking account.  I had to pay another bill and decided to check my account balance.  I was shocked to find out it was 0.  I went to the bank immediately and worried about bounced check fees. The cashier informed me that there were no bounced checks and gave me a copy of my recent transactions.  I was shocked to see that the amount I previously had in my account was $229.79.  When I went to Krogers the day before I charged exactly $229.79 to my debit card.  What are the chances that I spent exactly the amount I had in my account to the penny?  I was so relieved that I didn't have to worry about the bank on top of everything else!  How many times do we all experience these miracles but don't recognize the hand of God in our lives!  It was comforting to me that God had my back!

Chrissy

My sister Chrissy, 48 years old, died on July 29, 2015.  I told her she was my hero because she had to endure so much pain without complaint.  She knew she was not well but chose to travel from Jackpot Nevada to Dayton Ohio to celebrate our mother's early birthday party.  She decided she would have pain whether she was at home, traveling or with us at the party.  She always had a deep faith but it was tested when the relentless pain increased.  Her husband Jerry and sons Cody and Clay were very attentive and supportive.  Regardless, the process of dying is something that no one else can do for us.  Chrissy faced her illness with courage and directness.  She knew the recent party for mom was her last chance to say goodbye to her family.  She would have such intense pain that she would curl up in a ball and rock back and forth.  She returned home after traveling with pain for an entire day. She continued to be positive, have a sense of humor and endeavored to make peace with everyone. Jerry was devastated but was totally present for his wife of over 20 years "in sickness and in health". I am so proud of the person of faith that Chrissy became and her willingness to share love in the midst of her pain.  I will always miss her until I see her again when I die.  I picture her with Dad, who died many years ago.  I am so happy she is no longer in pain but I am so sad she is no longer physically present.  I hope we all realize that God only lends our family and friends to us.  We don't know how long any of us will be alive.  I hope we learn to appreciate everyone we have contact with, treat them as we want to be treated and enjoy the time we have.  Hugs and encouragement have no price tag but they are priceless!  I love you Chrissy, Jerry, Cody and Clay.

Chrissy King

This post is dedicated to my sister Chrissy King, her husband Jerry and two sons.  I have worked with hospice and home care patients for many years but it is most difficult when it is a family member.  Chrissy has had multiple cysts, tumors, surgeries and is facing decisions that are significant about treatments within financial constraints.  She tackles everything head on with courage and dignity.  She has the support of faith, family, and friends but the decisions are hers to make.  She looks at life with humor and awareness as she carefully explores her options.  I told her that she is my hero because she makes the most of her life and has positively affected everyone she interacts with.  Life is never what we expect but life expects us to accept the unexpected.  Chrissy lifts our hearts and faith as she continues to take one minute at a time.  She has my prayers and my love.

Life is a privilege

This is a quote from the newspaper from Dr. Oliver Sacks who recently revealed that he has only months to live due to liver cancer.  This knowledge, he reports, has enabled him to see his own life "as if from a a great altitude, as a sort of landscape, and with a deepening sense of a connection of all its parts."  He states he is grateful to have loved and been loved.  "Above all, I have been a sentient being, a thinking animal on this beautiful planet, and that in itself has been an enormous privilege and adventure."  He said nothing about how much money he made or how many things he had acquired.

Last night my son-in-law was ill and passed out.  He hit his head but was not injured seriously.  It takes only an instant to change a life simply or drastically.  In the news there has been many deaths from earthquakes, storms, and other natural calamities.  We never know when it is our time to die.  It is so important to live each day with meaningful, loving and caring interactions with our families, friends, neighbors, countries, environment, animals and life itself. By living with faith, integrity, love and kindness, we have a wonderful landscape of our life to behold as we face death.  We are proud of who we are and what we have accomplished in our life as we positively interacted with our world and other life travelers.  Life is a privilege and it is important that we use every moment to remember why we are here and find what we have to offer to God and others.

Pain

My sister has a tumor and has surgery soon. For over a year she experienced excruciating pain but testing did not find the cause. Many times she was refused pain medications because doctors thought she was an addict and seeking drugs. She felt abandoned by God and became angry.  Why was this happening to her? She continued to experience pain until a doctor decided to pursue all avenues until he found the reason for her discomfort.  After many tests, finally the tumor was located.  At least my sister was now able to get pain medications. It took about 5 weeks to schedule her surgery because it requires two surgeons and many hours of delicate surgery.  So many times doctors encounter patients who fake illness to get pain medications.  However, there are many patients who have an unusual diagnosis and there are no particular known tests to identify their issues. It has to be difficult for a doctor to decide how to treat patients who have no insurance, no verification of diagnosis to explain pain origin, and science has no known way to determine validity of pain.  Please keep her in your prayers!

Priorities

I used to hate having curly hair.  In high school I used big cans on my shoulder length hair at night to keep it straight.  I didn't sleep well but my hair was straighter in the morning.  As soon as I walked out the door, my hair would hit moisture and would become frizzy and curly.  It was a losing battle! After years of trying everything including ironing my hair (and burning it and experiencing a horrible smell), I decided to embrace my curls.  I had my hair cut short and in layers. The curls burst out in all of their glory. It was finally easier to get ready for the world when I washed my hair, let it dry. brushed it and began my day.  I learned that I am who I am.  I learned also what I am not.  I do not have long, straight hair, a beautiful figure and I am not graceful.  I do have curly hair, a kind smile, a clean body and a good attitude.  God must have made me this way for a reason!  Life is never what we want or expect it to be.  It is a continuous surprise.  It is better or worse than we expected many times. Sometimes it is repetitious and seems that we are making no progress.  If we can learn to accept what we have been given, enjoy the moments and people we encounter, and embrace God's will for us, we can then feel more peace. Anxiety about the things we cannot change will no longer have power over our happiness. Our first priority is to put God first and let him handle the major challenges of our lives.

Caregiving

My mother is 89 and recently fractured her hip after a fall.  It is amazing that she survived surgery and rehab. It is amazing that I survived her.  She was understandably scared, depressed, overwhelmed and did not adjust well to her loss of independence.  Fortunately she was eventually willing to keep working on her rehabilitation exercises with encouragement.  She was in two different rehabs and had a couple of visits to her apartment. I visited her at least every other day for months and was exhausted with continuing to be her support system.  I assisted when she returned to her apartment.  She had caregivers but I was involved with all decision-making, her insurance paperwork, updating reports for family and communication with agencies involved with her care.  I is difficult to imagine being responsible for someone else 24 hours a day.  It is a thankless, unpaid position that has very good and very difficult moments from day to day.  I have learned to be more compassionate, more patient, more caring, and more aware of my own eventual need to have caregivers.  I hope that I will appreciate any caregivers that I need to take care of me in the future.  I hope I will not be too demanding and will be a better patient because I have experience as a caregiver.  For all caregivers--I appreciate everything that you do!